Monday, August 25, 2003


Scrappy Sox carry Pathetic Pedro to another win! Boston Sports Media inspires the Photophobic Faker to FINALLY pitch!

David Ortiz, Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon led the way as the Red Sox won yet another big game on their march to the world championship. But the real credit has to go to the local media, and especially talk radio. The callers and hosts of WEEI held Part-Time Pedro's feet to the fire and finally got him to produce a little, as their righteous indignation over the Faker's sick day obviously made the little wussy try to win for a change. Of course, Martinez characteristically bailed out after only 6 innings pitched, claiming to still be recovering from the sniffles, and once again left the game up to his bullpen.

Luckily for the soon-to-be-ex-Sox whiner, some new guy named Bronson came out of the pen to save the day, giving the Mariners a Death Wish and saving Pedro's overpaid butt-- a Great Escape, you might call it. This new Bronson guy got a Dirty Dozen outs (minus 3) in his Raid on Entebbe, almost as many as the Photophobic Faker himself, while allowing ZERO runs in a Magnificent 7 (minus 4) innings in this Battle of the Bulge.

The Diva of course allowed an earned run, as he always seems to do in the clutch. That's the thanks I get from the ungrateful Faker for waving my little Dominican flag all day.

Luckily for us all, talk radio, the sportswriters and journalists such as myself will continue to challenge the Faker for the rest of his time here. We can only hope that he will give us more than 6 measly innings next time. Yip Dawg Nation demands more from this Pathetic Puss, who seems to think he's above criticism, since he's lugging around a mighty 10 wins. This isn't over, Faker, it's only just begun.

YIP YIP YIP YIP!!! I am back, people! You probably wonder where the ol' Yip dawg has been-- i had a little trouble with the ISP last week, apparently they get all mad if you use your email to "make vulgar threats and harrass celebrities." Who knew? Anyway, that's all straightened out, and the Yip Dawg is BACK! Just like my Red Sox! I can't believe you people quit on them last week, the Yip Dawg NEVER gives up! It was good to see that in my absence, a lot of my media brethren kept up the good fight against the "superstars." Many websites joined in with ace columnist Dan Shaughnessy to let Pedro know that he isn't wanted here, and that Diana Ross needs to get his butt out of town as soon as possible. It stinks that we're stuck with Diva Diana for another year, but at least now we know that he'll be gone ASAP. Don't let the door hit your butt on your way out Diva Pedro! Once the Diva is finally run off, the Red Sox can use his huge salary on a real ace, someone with stamina and heart who will get out there and pitch instead of calling in sick every day. My vote: Randy Johnson. The Unit is a proven warrior and a stud. Just think where the Sox would be this year if we had the American Big Unit instead of the Dominican Diva. And Item #2 on my shopping list: Roger Clemens. Another proven warrior with a regular name, and he's one of Us, having played here before and knowing all about the Curse. The American Rocket has never let his team down in the clutch by calling in sick. Signing these two gamers should only cost about 10 million more than Diva's bloated salary, so get on the stick, Theo!

Thursday, August 14, 2003


Sox survive another Manny error, Mueller and Kapler win the game!

Silencing the naysayers who had given up on them, the Red Sox overcame yet ANOTHER pathetic error by piece of junk Manny Ramirez, as Bill Mueller hit a dramatic home run to jump-start the offense, and then knocked in the winning run in the 10th inning, keying a dramatic come-from-behind win over Oakland.
Despite being counted out by many of their fairweather fans (you know who you are, pal) the gritty Red Sox never gave up, and pulled out the victory, despite yet another Pay-dro No-Show, no offense at all from Nomar/No-mas, and yet another critical error by Manny Ramirez. It is amazing how this team can win big games with virtually no contribution from the team's so-called superstars!

The victory moved the Red Sox back into the lead in the Wild Card race, as well as cutting the Yankees' lead to 2.5 games. With the team now white-hot, the only question that remains is who to pitch in the first game of the playoffs. After they clinch the division title, the Red Sox will likely host the Central Division champion in the first round. After seeing too many Part-time Pay-dro choke-jobs, the Yip Dawg is here to tell you that you have to start someone else in such a critical game. Start Derek Lowe in game one of the first round, then go with the cagey John Burkett to start the ALCS. Jeff Suppan and Tim Wakefield can handle the first two games of the World Series, with Lowe and Burkett coming on to finish off the sweep. It's gonna be saweet! Sox in four, you heard it here first!!!!!!


Nomar fails again! Garciaparra whiffs with the bases loaded! Choking Californian leaves runners in scoring position in a HUGE game two nights in a row!

How much more of this are we supposed to take? How many nights in a row is Nomar going to fail in CLUTCH situations? In what was arguably the most important point of last night's HUGE game, overrated infielder Nomar Garciaparra fanned with the bases loaded and one out! That's the third time in less than a week that the formerly loved Whiffer has choked in such a situation. Has Derek Jeter ever whiffed with the bases loaded? I don't remember it. This sort of thing is why the Red Sox have never won it all and never will.

In other lowlights of last night's game, Part-time Pedro Martinez again declined to try to help the team by pitching, instead choosing yet again to "rest." This guy gets more rest than Rip Van Winkle. So far this year, the Diva has chosen to sit out 99 of Boston's 120 games! 5 other pitchers decided to help the team by pitching last night, but apparently Pampered Pedro is above such things. We deserve better!

New Yorker Manny Ramirez continued his slump last night, making two MORE outs. Luckily for everyone, Kevin Millar picked up the "superstars" and carried them on his back to Victory, slugging two hits, including a homer, and knocking in three runs. As the Sox play out the string in this lost season of 2003, it's nice to see at least SOME guys are still playing hard and producing. Maybe Loafing Manny can take some notes and learn some lessons from the gritty Millar. We should be so lucky!

Wednesday, August 13, 2003


Red Sox play out the string-- "stars" choke again in latest loss.

Ho-hum, another loss last night to Oakland as the Red Sox play out the string in the rebuilding year of 2003. The real news is that I have just read the greatest newspaper article I have ever seen! What's more shocking is that is wasn't written by any of my favorite sportswriters, Buckley, Shaughnessy or Callahan. It was penned by Jim Donaldson of the Providence Journal. I have to admit that I haven't read much of Donaldson's work before today, but now I am moving him up to the top of the list of my favortite sports columnists, sports talk radio hosts, sports talk radio callers, and other angry white guys. This guy gets it! Here's the highlights of his article:

"Red Sox
Jim Donaldson: I'm sorry, but this will only go so far

01:00 AM EDT on Wednesday, August 13, 2003

I want Pedro's deal.

I want to be coddled and pampered. I want to be catered to, given special privileges. I want to be treated with kid gloves. I want to be handled with care. I want to have "Fragile" stamped on my arm and shoulder, and on my feelings, too. I want to be used sparingly, but would like my ego to be massaged regularly.

I want Pedro's deal.

I want to work only every fifth day. I don't want to have to finish what I start. I don't want to have to talk to anyone I don't feel like talking to, especially baseball writers who ask questions I don't want to answer, particularly after a loss like Monday night's, in Oakland. And I want to be paid lots and lots and lots of money.

Yes, I want Pedro's deal.

He's on a pitch count? Well, I want to be on a word count....

So I want Pedro's deal.

He goes five innings Monday night against the A's, then turns the game over to the bullpen. OK. If that's the deal, then I want to write five good paragraphs and let somebody else finish up for me.

While Pedro went to the shower, Tim Hudson went the distance for the A's. The full nine innings, giving up just two infield singles and not a single run against what is widely considered to be the most potent, the most explosive, the best-hitting lineup in all of baseball. Oakland's lineup, on the other hand, is not the even the most potent, or explosive, in the Bay Area.

Hudson set down the Red Sox on just 93 pitches over nine innings. Pedro was pulled after throwing 103 pitches in just five innings.

Like Pedro, Hudson hasn't always had the best run support this season. Although, unlike Pedro, Hudson doesn't really expect to get a whole lot of runs from an Oakland lineup that doesn't pack nearly the punch of Boston's.

Nonetheless, Hudson has a record of 11-4, compared to Pedro's 8-3. Hudson has pitched at least seven innings in 21 of his 26 starts this year. Pedro has made just 21 starts, but has pitched seven or more innings only 12 times.

The A's are 21-5 in games Hudson has started. Although Monday night's loss was Pedro's first since May, the Red Sox are just 11-10 in games he has started.

Yet Hudson is being paid $2.7 million this season, and Pedro's getting $15.5 million. What's wrong with this picture? Or pitcher, as the case may be.

Oh, do I ever want a deal like Pedro's.

Although, money-wise, truth be told, I'd settle for a lot less. I'd take 10 percent of what Pedro makes. Come to think of it, I'd take 1 percent of what he makes.

I want a deal like Pedro's.

He's the unquestioned ace of the staff, but the Red Sox ration his pitches like sips of water to parched travelers on a desert trek. Every toss he makes is counted the way a determined dieter counts calories. Pedro's pitches, it seems, are to be sipped and savored in limited amounts by Red Sox fandom, not guzzled in large quantities.

Yes, Pedro had thrown a total of 367 pitches in his previous three starts, which is why Red Sox manager Grady "Do" Little was so concerned about his star starter's pitch count Monday night.

But not only are the Sox trying to catch the Yankees in the A.L. East, but they're also battling Oakland for the wild-card playoff spot. With Hudson's victory over Pedro and the Sox, the A's moved into a tie and seized the advantage in the four-game series which runs through tomorrow, when Boston moves on to Seattle for another crucial series.

I could go longer, but, taking my cue from Pedro, I'm going to shut it down. Sorry, but that's the deal."

That was awesome! I want Pedro's deal too, paI! I high-fived myself when I read that, then called WEEI to tell them how psyched I am about it.

Hey I want Pedro's deal too, pal! I want to have an easy job that any schmuck can do, like being the ace pitcher of a baseball team, instead of a grueling, difficult job like writing about sports. But at least what I do is important, so there's that. And I go to work every day, I don't loaf around 4 days out of five like that lazy Pedro guy. I want Pedro's deal too, pal! How much money are we paying this guy?! And he can't even throw a complete game shutout like Tim Hudson did! (Tim Hudson, now that's a regular, normal name. No wonder he kicked the ass of "Pay-dro Martinez"-- what the heck kind of name is that, anyway? And Hudson looks like a regular guy, he doesn't have that weird curly hair or dark skin. What's up with that, anyway? Why can't we get more regular guys on this team?)

I won't even get into the disgraceful performance of Manny Ramirez last night, or the way Nomar choked in the 8th inning, because this season is over. But I will say this: I want Pedro's deal too, pal! Get it? It's like that article, where he says the same line over and over again. Only I add "too, pal" to give it my own twist and make it my own. I WANT PEDRO'S DEAL TOO PAL!

Tuesday, August 12, 2003


Now that 2003 is officially over for the Red Sox, it's time to look forward to next year. the Red Sox need to rebuild, and the only way to do that is to get rid of the deadwood, starting with the big money underachievers, New York Ramirez, Diva Pedro and California Nomar. Maybe the Traumatic Trio can be packaged to the Yankees for Derek Jeter, Roger Clemens and the rights to Paul O'Neill. Do you know how many RINGS those New York players have? A lot! Come on Theo, pull the trigger and start the cleanup.

Other Red Sox who need to get gone include Derek Lowe, John Burkett, Jeff Suppan, BK Kim, David Ortiz, and Damian Jackson. These guys are all one-trick ponys who add no value, put them on the next boat out of town with the Traumatic Trio. The message needs to be sent that if you're not a gritty, gutty, gutsy, grimy type of player with a normal name and regular hair, then you have no place on Yip Dawg's team. Get 'em gone, and get to rebuilding Theo! You owe us a championship, and now that this year is over, it's time to start working on next year.


Pedro chokes again! Martinez needs to be yanked after 5! I told you so!

Well well well I told you all how Diva Pedro is a part-time pitcher now, and he proved it again last night in Oakland. He couldn't go past 5 innings, and LOST yet again. That's three losses this year already, for this guy whose ERA has soared by almost half a run a game since 2000, yet his salary has skyrocketed. We can't prove that Pedro begged out of the game last night, but come on, what other reason could there be for him to leave after only 101 pitches? His pathetic performance last night will be my defining memory of this guy when he finally takes his tired act out of here to NY where he belongs.

Like many games, last night's game was decided in the third inning, when the A's pounded Pedro for all the runs they would need. Pedro's ERA in the decisive inning of the game? 18.00! That is what I call choking.

Pedro's buddies Nomar and Manny didn't help either. Nomar was only able to reach base twice, while Manny made two outs, including a strikeout, as the "sluggers" kept their teammates from scoring even a single run. Way to choke, "stars."

I don't know why we ran off gamers like Scott Hatteberg, who battled and fought and scrapped and helped his team win last night, just to waste the money on underachievers. Hatteberg has a funny name, but at least he looks like a regular guy. And he never fails to share his opinions with the liasons of the fans, because he cares. Once again, Diva Pedro didn't bother speaking to the fans after last night's game. We the fans deserve answers to our questions! If Part-time Pedro can't face the media and explain to us why he gave up those runs last night, then it's time for him to go somewhere where they don't understand what really matters. He can take his "ERA" and "wins" and "strikeouts" and the rest of his meaningless stats with him. Good riddance.

Monday, August 11, 2003


Here are some bad things about the Red Sox that I am sick of:

Big salaries
Funny names
weird-looking players
Weird hair
Athaletes that won't talk to the fans' liasons
Players that won't continually tell the press how lucky they are to get to play for the greatest fans in the world, Red Sox fans
People from other places

Get rid of them all!!!!

To prove that I am not negative, here are things that are great that we need to see more of:

Players who show they are upset when they screw up
Players who seem like regular guys, not weirdos
Columns where sportswriters let those pampered babies know who's boss
Talk radio debates about where we should trade Nomar
Investigations into the Diva Pedro travel Scandal
Gossip about how weird and dumb Manny Ramirez is.

Go team!!!!

The Yip Dawg isn't big on stats. I've heard again and again on the radio how stats are meaningless, how they are only for pencil-necked poindexters who never played the game. And it's all true! I played baseball, and I know how little value stats have. The season that I played, our scorekeeper said I was second to last on the whole team in on-base percentage. Well I checked, and their math was wrong, I was actually ahead of another kid. Typical stats-geek mistake, no wonder i never played Little League again.

Anyway, as stupid as most stats are, they are pretty telling when it comes to the Red Sox "superstars." Take yesterday's game. Nomar made three outs in one game! If he kept up that pace, he would make 1,095 outs in a calendar year! He struck out once, so if he maintained that pace for a full year, he'd strike out 365 times! That would be a record! He gets 10 million a year to be that bad? Get him gone, we're sick of him and his obsessive-compulsive behavior and his California attitude.

And Manny Ramirez is no better, he just gets paid more. If he kept up his caught-stealing pace from yesterday, he'd be thrown out 365 times in a row! What a loser. Kevin Romine never got thrown out stealing 365 straight times, and he didn't make any $20 million a season, either. And he didn't have funny hair, or a weird name. He was a regular guy. Too bad he's gone and we're stuck with the likes of New York Manny.

Well figures don't lie, and the figures say that Nomar and Manny are overrated and overpaid. Maybe you like paying a guy a million dollars to strike out! (Or whatever it is, I'm no stats geek, I played the game.) Well I don't like it, and I wouldn't pay these chumps another dime. I deserve better!

Losers Lose! Sox drop 3 of 4 to Orioles.

Boston's "superstars" once again came up short, leading their teammates to three losses in four games against the Orioles. The debacle was epitomized by Nomar Garciaparra's pitiful whiff with the bases loaded to end the series. Nomar's ineptitude was matched by Manny "New Yorker" Ramirez, who was caught stealing and made four outs. Diva Pedro Martinez couldn't be bothered to pitch in any of the games, and wasn't even around for the last game, choosing instead to selfishly fly across the country for a vaccation in the San Francisco area instead. How typical. What kind of selfish Diva would do such a thing? How could he not want to spend the day at Fenway Park? Doesn't he know it's a lyric little bandbox?

Don't Boston's devoted fans deserve better than these slugs? The gritty Orioles showed the Boston stiffs how to play-- the question is, how many gritty Orioles can the Red Sox obtain by trading their overpaid, underachieving trio of Manny Ramirez, "California" Garciaparra, and Diva Pedro? Now that the season is basically over, it's time to rebuild by sending the New Yorker, the Diva and the formerly loved Californian to the Orioles, for scrappy studs like Brook Fordyce, Brian Roberts and Travis Driskill. Or maybe Jason Johnson instead, Driskill is a funny kind of name, it doesn't sound normal, like O'Brien or O'Neil or Ryan or Smith or anything. Maybe if the Red Sox had fewer overpriced malcontents with weird names like Manny, Nomar or Pedro, and more gutty grinders with normal names like Jerry, Brian, Sully, or Trot, they would win instead of choking all the time.

Friday, August 08, 2003

Manny goes 0-5! Pedro takes another night off, Sox pull out victory.

Once again, scrappy role players like Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon carried the Red Sox to victory despite the team's "stars" basically taking another night off. Millar's walk keyed a 6-run rally, and he added a clutch RBI single in the 7th. Trot made a tremendous catch in the outfield to save the game. In one of the worst games of the year, $20 million man New York Ramirez went hitless in 5 at-bats, hit into a double play, struck out, left a runner in scoring position, did nothing to stop Tim Salmon's home run that sailed over his head, and probably spent the whole game counting his money and remembering his childhood days spent in NEW YORK CITY.

Overrated Californian Nomar Garciaparra made yet another out, as he padded his statistics with a meaningless Fenway-special home run to left field that possibly wouldn't have been out of the Polo Grounds. Way to only hit when the Sox win by 6 runs, Nomar. Some of us haven't forgotten those outs you made against the Yankees earlier this season, and no matter how many garbage-time HRs you hit, we never will.

Diva Pedro was nowhere to be seen, except in the dugout, as he begged off from pitching yet again, apparently feeling it was more important to "rest his arm" than to get out there and earn his money. Poor John Burkett stepped into the breach and saved the team with a solid pitching performance, one he wouldn't have had to make, if the Dominican Diva had only tried to earn some of his money by actually playing.

Once again, the team's gritty, scrappy players overcame the underachieving "stars," and pulled out a victory. Thanks for nothing, "superstars." Even The Dominican Sack, David Ortiz, did more than you three, and everyone who saw him in the playoffs last year knows he's worthless. Ortiz has been hitting acceptably lately, no doubt inspired by his good fortune in being allowed to be teammates with gung-ho gutty gritty grunts like Nixon and Millar. If he'd stop hanging around with that notoriously bad influence, NY Manny, he might not be so worthless, but I don't like the looks of him, so who knows? The point is, the highly paid Red Sox "superstars" came up virtually empty once again.

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Breaking News! Manny Ramirez admits to being a New Yorker!

Boston Yip Dawg has uncovered evidence clearly indicating that Red Sox "slugger" Manny Ramirez is actually from New York city. Sources indicate that New Yorker Ramirez grew up in the Washington Heights section of New York, spending the formative years of his life virtually in the shadow of Yankee Stadium. It is unclear whether or not deposed Evil Former GM Dan Duquette was aware of this at the time he gave the New Yorker his immense, untradeable contract. The question is, what did Dan Duquette know and when did he know it? It was under the watch of the Evil Former GM that Diva Pedro, The Californian Garciaparra and New Yorker Manny were all acquired. Was it all a plot to deny gritty Sox gamers like fan favorites Trot Nixon, Mike Lansing and Chris Stynes their rightful championships? No one can prove it, but the fact remains that Boston is stuck with its highly paid "superstars" for at least another year. Of course, New Yorker Ramirez refused to comment on the latest allegations, most likely because he despises Red Sox fans.

Pedro almost blows the game!

His teammates had to bail out Passport Pedro Martinez once again, as the Red Sox escaped with a 4-2 win on Wednesday night. Martinez selfishly put his own quest for fame and glory ahead of the team's goals, refusing to leave the game until it was over. After getting pounded for 10 hits, he finally got the game over with by getting a gift called third strike, with the tying and go-ahead runs on base. Typical selfishness from the Diva, who was reported to be both "disinterested and dismissive" to a Boston Globe sportswriter after the game. Who does this guy think he is? And of course, Pedro is expected to take today off, being "unable" (more like unwilling) to play for the team that pays him so much money for almost another week. Typical Pedro. Last night was just another reason why we need to get this guy gone from Boston.

Overrated "stars" Nomar Garciaparra and Manny Ramirez continued to make out after out. Nomar made three outs in only 5 at-bats, while $20 million-man Ramirez made three outs in only 4 at-bats. Contrast that pathetic performance with that of the scrappy David Eckstein, who belted two hits in only five trips to the plate. Luckily for the Red Sox, the gritty bench players rescued the "stars" once again and came up with the win.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003


Red Sox win Tuesday-- no thanks to star players!

The malcontent from Southern California, Nomar Garciaparra, made three outs and $20 million-man Manny Ramirez made two as their Red Sox teammates made up for them and won 10-9 against the Anaheim Angels. $15-million foreigner Pedro Martinez didn't even play, apprently preferring to take yet another day to "rest his arm." If Pedro feels like pitching tonight, he will start against Anaheim. But who knows? The Diminutive Dominican might have to light another torch, or something. (That is a reference to his disgraceful trip to the Pan-Am games, which kept him from playing 4 games for the Red Sox last weekend.) Pedro apologists claim that he has always taken days off for "rest". Cy Young didn't, but I suppose Pedro thinks he's better than Cy Young.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Meet the Yip Dawg!

Who is the Yip Dawg?
I am a member of the Boston Sports Media, dedicated to getting attention for myself and my web site. I hate these overpaid superstars that are infiltrating Boston's sports teams, and I'll do whatever it takes to run them out of town. Keep checking for the latest scandals and outrageous behavior of these overpaid ungrateful punks! Don't worry, I'm on the case, and I'll make them hate this town so much they won't be able to wait to leave!
Manhunt continues, $15-million man Pedro Martinez still on the loose--

Although not yet formally charged with any crimes, Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez remains on the run. Police have no information on his current whereabouts, "other than what we read in the sports pages," according to Boston police sources. Another unnamed source claims that Pedro is in New York City, holding clandestine meetings with New York Yankee team officials. "I can't prove it, but I just know he's giving them our signals, and probably offering to throw games for money. The guy is so ungrateful, how can he NOT be doing that? I mean come on, think about it," the source claimed.

30-car pile-up on route 93 on Sunday-- Nomar's fault?

10-million-dollar man Nomar Garciaparra was in Baltimore Sunday afternoon, so his defenders claim that he isn't responsible for the 30-car pileup on rain-slickened route 93 that day. But it's clear that the highly-paid slumping infielder did virtually nothing to prevent it, either.

Garciaparra has NEVER been a part of any public service campaign directed at encouraging safe driving in rainy conditions. His handlers claim he "has never been asked." Sure, Nomar, whatever. Aren't Sox fans entitled to see their highly paid Superstars give a little something back to the community? Is that too much to ask? Apparently for the formerly-beloved Californian Garciaparra, it is. Nomar's non-response to the tragedy rings hollow when one thinks of the families, the children injured in Sunday's mishap. Don't we deserve better than this from someone paid millions ot play a child's game?

Boston teenager run down by hit-and-run driver-- where was Manny Ramirez?

A Boston teenager is in a coma thanks to a hit-and-run driver in an SUV. No one has yet PROVEN that Manny Ramirez is responsible, but Manny has refused to comment on the case, fueling speculation that he may be connected to the horrifying crime.
See the Boston Globe report:

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