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Tuesday, June 22, 2004

HERE'S A THRILL, THE BEANS I WILL SPILL: SCHILL THE SHILL TO TAKE THE HILL SO TAKE A CHILL PILL

As I predicted, the flipflopper Curt Schilling will make his next start tonight. Despite the denials and predictions that he would miss his start from many unreliable, unsourced, attention lusting wannabe-blogs, Yip Dawg had it right-- Schilling will start tonight. It's a done deal. IF SCHILLING DOESN'T MAKE HIS START TONIGHT AS I PREDICTED THEN THIS WEB SITE WILL GO DARK. There, how's that for putting my credibility on the line? How do you like them apples all you jealous haters who live to bait me? Where ar eyou now? YIPYIPYIPYIP!!!!!!!!!!


Friday, June 18, 2004

NOMAH HATES YOU BOSTON!!!!!

California Gar-see-ya-later-parra in his latest thin skinned tirade goes off on everyone in New England. What a shock. Like it's our fault this slacker goldbricked in Pawtucket too long, claiming he wasn't ready, when he was really sticking it to the fans? And then he comes back and stinks out the joint, what a sack of you know what. Too worried about his fat contract is what I say. Why can't this guy take a cue from the Gamer Nixon, who hurried back from his tragic injury and played almost as soon as the California Diva? Some guys are gritty grimy Gamers, and then you have the pampered loafers from California who hate it here. How could anyone hate it here? Gamer Nixon probably loves it here, and you can just tell that Clutch Tek loves it here too, even though he never says so. He doesn't have to, just look at his big muscles and dirty uniform and crew cut. That's a MAN'S MAN. Clutch Tek is a man's man, and Gar-see-ya-later-parra should try to be more like him, instead of worrying about his contract. YIPYIPYIP!!!!!!


SCHILLING FLIP-FLOPS ON MISSING START CONTROVERSY!!!!!


My sources tell me that Media Whore Curt Schilling will now MAKE his next start, flip-flopping more than John Kerry in a Chinese Acrobat show. Schilling was reported to be MISSING his next start, but now he's apparently chosen to sideswipe the local media-- AKA the voice of the FANS-- and go to some message board to announce his flip-flop. Typical. Good thing the Yip Dawg was all over this from the start, breaking the story and covering this whole Issue like Kevin Millar on a bucket of KFC! Schilling needs to get down off his high horse and stop baiting the media. Is he starting, is he not-- what a diva! It's hard to believe this guy even has a regular name! Anyway, the point is, you can count on THE YIP DAWG to be in the middle of every swirling controversy that affects your Red Sox! That's why I'm almost part of the real media now! YIPYIPYIP!!!!!
SCHILLING TO MISS START; LIES ABOUT IT


Hola amigos, long time no see! Yipyipyipyip!!!!

I am BACK baby, and I've got another hot scoop: Former Hero Curt Schilling will MISS his next start! That's right, he's too injured to pitch and will miss his start, you heard it here first. My unassailable unnamed sources in the clubhouse tell me that it's 100% a DONE DEAL that Schilling will miss this start. Take it to the bank. I dont care if Schilling himself telsl you that he's going to pitch. If he says that he's lying. I will SHUT DOWN THIS SITE IF SCHILLING MAKES HIS NEXT SCHEDULED START. How do you like them apples?

Monday, February 02, 2004

HEROES!!! The Patriots are HEROES. They won it all, and they did so because of their heart, character and media-friendliness. Do you think John Kasay's kickoff would have gone out of bounds if Diva Pedro was back there returning the kick? No! He was obviously terrified of the Pats' heart and character, so he kicked it out of bounds.

Do you think a malcontent like California Gar-see-ya-later-parra would have been able to kick that field goal like At'em Moneytieri did? No! He's never kicked a field goal in his life, except for when he played high school football. Because he's too SCARED of the pressure! I bet.

And what about New York Manny, don't you just hate that guy? Anyway, the point is, the Patriots are champions again, ending the one-year drought. One year, compared to the Red Sox and their 86-year drought without a championship. (86 years, 1986... BILL BUCKNER!!!!!!) One is less than 86. Much, much less.

So you see, heart and character and media-friendly-hood is what it is all about. The Patriots are a team with no stars, just nice guys who deserve to win. The Red Sox have some heroic dirt dogs with regular names, who are foiled by their famous superstar teammates.

Did you notice that for the past two weeks, many Patriots have done interviews with various reporters? You think they were forced to do that or something? No, it's just part of their heart and character, and true love for each and every person in New England. Yet where have Diva Pedro, Manny Malingerer and Nosemar been? Have you read any quotes from them? That's what I thought. Typical. The Pats wanted to win for US, the fans. They probably won't even cash their winner's checks. I bet they might probably all donate every penny to the Jimmy Fund. Will the Red Sox donate their Super Bowl checks to the Jimmy Fund? Of course not, not a one of them ever has. Draw your own conclusions from those FACTS, pal.

The Pats winning it all again is a clear lesson for the Red Sox and Red Sox fans. Even though they are different teams playing totally different sports, their home stadiums are less than 45 miles apart, so they must be compared. So I will be spending the next few months comparing and especially CONTRASTING the CHAMPION Patriots with the LOSER Red Sox, so everyone can see what losers the Red Sox superstars are. I really have nothing better to do , so get ready for a lot of contrasting!

Yip Yip Yip!!!!




HEROES!!! The Patriots are HEROES. They won it all, and they did so because of their heart, character and media-friendliness. Do you think John Kasay's kikcoff would have gone out of bounds if Diva Pedro was back there returning the kick? No! Do you think a malcontent like California Gar-see-ya-later-parra would have been able to kick that field goal like At'em Moneytieri did? No! What about New York Manny, don't you just hate that guy? Anyway, the point is, the Patriots are champions again, ending the one-year drought. One year, compared to the Red Sox and their 86-year drought without a championship. (86 years, 1986... BILL BUCKNER!!!!!!) One is less than 86. Much, much less. So you see, heart and character and media-friendly-hood is what it is all about. The Patriots are a team with no stars, just nice guys who deserve to win. The Red Sox have some heroic dirt dogs with regular names, who are foiled by their famous superstar teammates. Did you notice that for the past two weeks, many Patriots have done interviews with various reporters? You think they were forced to do that or something? No, it's just part of their heart and character, and true love for each and every person in New England. Yet where have Diva Pedro, Manny Malingerer and Nosemar been? Have you read any quotes from them? That's what I thought. Typical. The Pats wanted to win for US, the fans. They probably won't even cash their winner's checks. I bet they might probably all donate every penny to the Jimmy Fund. Will the Red Sox donate their Super Bowl checks to the Jimmy Fund? Of course not, not a one of them ever has. Draw your own conclusions from those FACTS, pal.

The Pats winning it all again is a clear lesson for the Red Sox and Red Sox fans. Even though they are different playing totally different sports, they must be compared. So I will be spending the next few months comparing and especially CONTRASTING the CHAMPION Patriots with the LOSER Red Sox, so everyone can see what losers the Red Sox superstars are. I really have nothing better to do , so get ready for a lot of contrasting!

Yip Yip Yip!!!!




Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Yipyipyip!!!!! The Dawg is BACK baby!!!!

I am so pumped and jacked for the Super Bowl, I can't stop drooling! It's so great to see a local team do well, why can't those idiot Red Sox ever win in the playoffs? I'll tell you why, it's because their stars don't talk to the press. Look at Tom Brady, talks to the press, goes to two Super Bowls in three years! Prima Donna Pedro? Doesn't talk to the press, NEVER goes to the World Series. That is called a FACT, and facts don't lie. Here's another FACT: I am so sick of Pedro and Nomar and Manny. Get them gone!! Thank god we've finally got a normal American superstar, Mr. Curt Schilling. Schilling has a lot in common with Brady: they both look normal and have regular names and talk to the press and they WIN! Except for last year. I LOVE Curt Schilling! And I LOVE Tom Brady! It's so great to be filled with love for these guys.

This is the song I sing in the shower every day:
"It's the story
of a man named Brady
who was winning Super Bowls every year
The Patriots work all together
that's why New England cheers.

I pray one day the Sox will dump that Manny
And I know that it is much more than a hunch.
That this team will somehow win a title
That's the day they'll become the Brady Bunch.

The Brady Bunch, The Brady Bunch!
That's the way they'll become the Brady Bunch!"

Get it! That's the theme song to the Brady Bunch, and Tom Brady's last name is Brady! So it's funny AND true.

On the eve of the Super Bowl, the one big question that is on everyone's mind right now is this: why can't the Red Sox get more fan-friendly players like Tom Brady, so that they will finally win it all? Brady looks like I want to look, not like some foreigner from the Caribbean. He has a normal name and a nice haircut, is that too much to ask! I guess so, since the Diva and his henchmen Manny Malingerer and California Garciaparra can't seem to manage it. God I hate them!! The thought of them making millions and not talking to me is ruining my Super Bowl! Damn it make the trade NOW, get A-Rod in here, at least he has ONE normal name. And he looks regular with short hair and piercing blue eyes, not some big weird foreign nose. I am wearing my Red Sox A-Rod jersey and my Tom Brady hat right now, and I am burning a Manny Ramirez baseball card in the ashtray as I type this, and damn it feels great! Only 5 more days until the Pats complete their mission of teaching those bastard Red Sox how to win a CHAMPIONSHIP!! YES!!! THANK GOD FOR TOM BRADY AND THE BRADY BUNCH!!!! IN YOUR FACES PEDRO AND NOSEMAR AND MANNY!!! THE BRADY BUNCH!!!!!!


Tuesday, January 20, 2004

1/20/04, 4:03 PM: I can't stop thinking about this A-Rod trade!! I am so pumped and jacked that I am going to take a bus to NY city tonight to try to find A-Rod or Henry or Hicks or Selig or anyone connected with this deal and order them to make it happen NOW!! Who is with me? Let's get a caravan of millions of members of Yip Dawg Nation to drive to NY tonight to DEMAND that this trade happen NOW! They can't stop us and they can't deny our demands! Who is with me! Yip Dawg Nation will arise!!!!!!!
I AM BACK!!!!! YIPYIPYIP!!!!!!

The Yip dawg is BACK!!! So much has happened since my blog went dark last summer (I swore to pull the plug on this site when Manny the Loafer wasn't traded by the deadline. But now I see that it doesn't really matter if you keep your word or not, because it's more important to have a website out there that's not afraid to attack famous athletes and savagely criticise them for anything and everything. Because they are lying hypocrites!!!!)

Anyway, on to the latest news!!

Talks to Resume this Weekend
01/20/04, 1:19pm: Allston Community Radio's Bruce Levangie is now saying that talks on the Manny-for-A-Rod trade heated up this past week and John Henry and Tom Hicks' manservants either met last weekend or will meet this coming weekend or met last month or will meet later next month or not. My sources tell me A-Rod was bending Bud Selig's ear about the trade at Sammy Sosa's bar-mitzvah in Tel-Aviv, and is pressing hard for the deal, using a combination of physical intimidation, vague threats and teary-eyed pleading. And so therefore it's clear that this deal is GOING to happen!!! It's alive!! I told you so!! So buy your A-rod Red Sox jersey now while you still can before mlb.com goes into cover-up mode and erases the evidence that this deal is 100% definitely going to happen!

Ha ha this is the greatest day of my life, the Sox are so close to ridding this town of Manny's reign of terror I'm literally drooling as I type this. So long, you overpaid, Dominican, NY-raised malcontent and welcome Alex Rodriguez! I love A-Rod and his steely blue eyes and the way he looks in that tight uniform!! I can't wait until he's actually here and leading us to the glory that he's brought every city he's ever played for! I would NEVER turn on this guy, trust me! He's a great shortstop and doesn't spend his time talking, just playing at a superstar level, and I would never attack anyone like that!

Nomar, get your bus ticket, because you're the next one out of town! Hopefully Pedro will follow. Because neither one is a leader! Get it!! God this is so exciting, I can't believe I actually ran a highly-paid athlete out of Boston!! I am so powerful now it is amazing!! It is happening because of ME ME ME!!!

A-ROD WILL BE HERE IT IS A 100% DONE DEAL!!! If this trade doesn't happen by midnight tonight, this blog will go dark! Honest, this time I mean it!!


I AM BACK!!!!! YIPYIPYIP!!!!!!

The Yip dawg is BACK!!! So much has happened since my blog went dark last summer (I swore to pull the plug on this site when Manny the Loafer wasn't traded by the deadline. But now I see that it doesn't really matter if you keep your word or not, because it's more important to have a website out there that's not afraid to attack famous athletes and savagely criticise them for anything and everything. Because they are lying hypocrites!!!!)

Anyway, on to the latest news!!

Talks to Resume this Weekend
1:20:04, 1:17pm: Allston Community Radio's Bruce Levangie is now saying that talks on the Manny-for-A-Rod trade heated up this past week and John Henry and Tom Hicks either met last weekend or will meet this coming weekend or met last month or will meet later next month or not. My sources tell me A-Rod was bending Bud Selig's ear about the trade at Sammy Sosa's bar-mitzvah in Tel-Aviv, and is pressing hard for the deal, using a combination of physical intimidation, vague threats and teary-eyed pleading. And so it's clear that this deal is GOING to happen!!! It's alive!! I told you so!! So buy your A-rod Red Sox jersey now while you still can before mlb.com goes into cover-up mode and erases the evidence that this deal is 100% definitely going to happen!

Ha ha this is the greatest day of my life, the Sox are so close to ridding this town of Manny's reign of terror I'm literally drooling as I type this. So long, you overpaid Dominican NY-raised malcontent and welcome Alex Rodriguez! I love A-Rod and his steely blue eyes and the way he looks in that tight uniform!! I can't wait until he's actually here and leading us to the glory that he's brought every city he's ever played for! I would NEVER turn on this guy, trust me! He's a great shortstop and doesn't spend his time talking, just playing at a superstar level, and I would never attack anyone like that!

Nomar, get your bus ticket, because you're the next one out of town! Hopefully Pedro will follow. Because neither one is a leader! Get it!! God this is so exciting, I can't believe I actually ran a highly-paid athlete out of Boston!! I am so powerful now it is amazing!!

A-ROD WILL BE HERE IT IS A 100% DONE DEAL!!! If this trade doesn't happen by midnight tonight, this blog will go dark! Honest, this time I mean it!!



I AM BACK!!!!! YIPYIPYIP!!!!!!

The Yip dawg is BACK!!! So much has happened since my blog went dark last summer (I swore to pull the plug on this site when Manny the Loafer wasn't traded by the deadline. But now I see that it doesn't really matter if you keep your word or not, because it's more important to have a website out there that's not afraid to attack famous athletes and savagely criticise them for anything and everything. Because they are lying hypocrites!!!!)

Anyway, on to the latest news!!

Talks to Resume this Weekend
1:20:04, 1:17pm: Allston Community Radio's Bruce Levangie is now saying that talks on the Manny-for-A-Rod trade heated up this past week and John Henry and Tom Hicks either met last weekend or will meet this coming weekend or met last month or will meet later next month or not. My sources tell me A-Rod was bending Bud Selig's ear about the trade at Sammy Sosa's bar-mitzvah in Tel-Aviv, and is pressing hard for the deal, using a combination of physical intimidation, vague threats and teary-eyed pleading. And so it's clear that this deal is GOING to happen!!! It's alive!! I told you so!! So buy your A-rod Red Sox jersey now while you still can before mlb.com goes into cover-up mode and erases the evidence that this deal is 100% definitely going to happen!

Ha ha this is the greatest day of my life, the Sox are so close to ridding this town of Manny's reign of terror I'm literally drooling as I type this. So long, you overpaid Dominican NY-born malcontent and welcome Alex Rodriguez! I love A-Rod and his steely blue eyes and the way he looks in that tight uniform!! I can't wait until he's actually here and leading us to the glory that he's brought every city he's ever played for! I would NEVER turn on this guy, trust me! He's a great shortstop and doesn't spend his time talking, just playing at a superstar level, and I would never attack anyone like that!

Nomar, get your bus ticket, because you're the next one out of town! Hopefully Pedro will follow. Because neither one is a leader! Get it!! God this is so exciting, I can't believe I actually ran a highly-paid athlete out of Boston!! I am so powerful now it is amazing!!

A-ROD WILL BE HERE IT IS A 100% DONE DEAL!!! If this trade doesn't happen by midnight tonight, this blog will go dark! Honest, this time I mean it!!



Monday, August 25, 2003

BLOGGER

Scrappy Sox carry Pathetic Pedro to another win! Boston Sports Media inspires the Photophobic Faker to FINALLY pitch!


David Ortiz, Kevin Millar and Trot Nixon led the way as the Red Sox won yet another big game on their march to the world championship. But the real credit has to go to the local media, and especially talk radio. The callers and hosts of WEEI held Part-Time Pedro's feet to the fire and finally got him to produce a little, as their righteous indignation over the Faker's sick day obviously made the little wussy try to win for a change. Of course, Martinez characteristically bailed out after only 6 innings pitched, claiming to still be recovering from the sniffles, and once again left the game up to his bullpen.

Luckily for the soon-to-be-ex-Sox whiner, some new guy named Bronson came out of the pen to save the day, giving the Mariners a Death Wish and saving Pedro's overpaid butt-- a Great Escape, you might call it. This new Bronson guy got a Dirty Dozen outs (minus 3) in his Raid on Entebbe, almost as many as the Photophobic Faker himself, while allowing ZERO runs in a Magnificent 7 (minus 4) innings in this Battle of the Bulge.

The Diva of course allowed an earned run, as he always seems to do in the clutch. That's the thanks I get from the ungrateful Faker for waving my little Dominican flag all day.

Luckily for us all, talk radio, the sportswriters and journalists such as myself will continue to challenge the Faker for the rest of his time here. We can only hope that he will give us more than 6 measly innings next time. Yip Dawg Nation demands more from this Pathetic Puss, who seems to think he's above criticism, since he's lugging around a mighty 10 wins. This isn't over, Faker, it's only just begun.


YIP YIP YIP YIP!!! I am back, people! You probably wonder where the ol' Yip dawg has been-- i had a little trouble with the ISP last week, apparently they get all mad if you use your email to "make vulgar threats and harrass celebrities." Who knew? Anyway, that's all straightened out, and the Yip Dawg is BACK! Just like my Red Sox! I can't believe you people quit on them last week, the Yip Dawg NEVER gives up! It was good to see that in my absence, a lot of my media brethren kept up the good fight against the "superstars." Many websites joined in with ace columnist Dan Shaughnessy to let Pedro know that he isn't wanted here, and that Diana Ross needs to get his butt out of town as soon as possible. It stinks that we're stuck with Diva Diana for another year, but at least now we know that he'll be gone ASAP. Don't let the door hit your butt on your way out Diva Pedro! Once the Diva is finally run off, the Red Sox can use his huge salary on a real ace, someone with stamina and heart who will get out there and pitch instead of calling in sick every day. My vote: Randy Johnson. The Unit is a proven warrior and a stud. Just think where the Sox would be this year if we had the American Big Unit instead of the Dominican Diva. And Item #2 on my shopping list: Roger Clemens. Another proven warrior with a regular name, and he's one of Us, having played here before and knowing all about the Curse. The American Rocket has never let his team down in the clutch by calling in sick. Signing these two gamers should only cost about 10 million more than Diva's bloated salary, so get on the stick, Theo!


Thursday, August 14, 2003

BLOGGER

Sox survive another Manny error, Mueller and Kapler win the game!

Silencing the naysayers who had given up on them, the Red Sox overcame yet ANOTHER pathetic error by piece of junk Manny Ramirez, as Bill Mueller hit a dramatic home run to jump-start the offense, and then knocked in the winning run in the 10th inning, keying a dramatic come-from-behind win over Oakland.
Despite being counted out by many of their fairweather fans (you know who you are, pal) the gritty Red Sox never gave up, and pulled out the victory, despite yet another Pay-dro No-Show, no offense at all from Nomar/No-mas, and yet another critical error by Manny Ramirez. It is amazing how this team can win big games with virtually no contribution from the team's so-called superstars!

The victory moved the Red Sox back into the lead in the Wild Card race, as well as cutting the Yankees' lead to 2.5 games. With the team now white-hot, the only question that remains is who to pitch in the first game of the playoffs. After they clinch the division title, the Red Sox will likely host the Central Division champion in the first round. After seeing too many Part-time Pay-dro choke-jobs, the Yip Dawg is here to tell you that you have to start someone else in such a critical game. Start Derek Lowe in game one of the first round, then go with the cagey John Burkett to start the ALCS. Jeff Suppan and Tim Wakefield can handle the first two games of the World Series, with Lowe and Burkett coming on to finish off the sweep. It's gonna be saweet! Sox in four, you heard it here first!!!!!!




BLOGGER

Nomar fails again! Garciaparra whiffs with the bases loaded! Choking Californian leaves runners in scoring position in a HUGE game two nights in a row!


How much more of this are we supposed to take? How many nights in a row is Nomar going to fail in CLUTCH situations? In what was arguably the most important point of last night's HUGE game, overrated infielder Nomar Garciaparra fanned with the bases loaded and one out! That's the third time in less than a week that the formerly loved Whiffer has choked in such a situation. Has Derek Jeter ever whiffed with the bases loaded? I don't remember it. This sort of thing is why the Red Sox have never won it all and never will.

In other lowlights of last night's game, Part-time Pedro Martinez again declined to try to help the team by pitching, instead choosing yet again to "rest." This guy gets more rest than Rip Van Winkle. So far this year, the Diva has chosen to sit out 99 of Boston's 120 games! 5 other pitchers decided to help the team by pitching last night, but apparently Pampered Pedro is above such things. We deserve better!

New Yorker Manny Ramirez continued his slump last night, making two MORE outs. Luckily for everyone, Kevin Millar picked up the "superstars" and carried them on his back to Victory, slugging two hits, including a homer, and knocking in three runs. As the Sox play out the string in this lost season of 2003, it's nice to see at least SOME guys are still playing hard and producing. Maybe Loafing Manny can take some notes and learn some lessons from the gritty Millar. We should be so lucky!




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